COMING IN 2018: WE'RE ENTERTAINING NOURISHMENT FOR THE MIND, BODY & SOUL
We will return in 2018 with a new look, mission & direction. Stay tuned as we develop our online destination that celebrates contemporary & retro pop culture as well as body, mind & spirit!
Launching a new podcast while juggling several other projects (some big, some small!) has its ups and downs. The ups: A new podcast and several other projects! The downs: Little sleep and totally forgetting to blog about some of my noteworthy celebrity health and fitness covers in the last six months or so!
With that said, enjoy the above stories on some of TV's favorite survivors and thrivers!
Snooki and The Situation: I'd tell them to "Sit on it!" but they probably already have.
Guest Shot blog by James DuBuc
I want to meet the individual who created the modern-day boob-tube genre we call "reality television." I would love to sit with this person and hear the tale of how he or she came up with the idea of a show with no script, no paid actors, just cameras and regular folk like me. I want to know how they got past the whole “tell a tale, teach a lesson, solve a problem and leave the audience with something to think about” thing that comes to mind whenever I think of television when I was growing up. Yes, I want to meet this person … and punch them right in the mouth.
Aren’t these newer, slice-of-life "reality" shows such as Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of (Insert Metropolitan Area Here) supposed to have a point? We’re supposed to be cheering for someone, right? Isn’t there some sort of “voting” that’s supposed to take place? I could tolerate these shows if they had some sort of “thing” that I wish I could win.
At least the "classic" reality shows (I can't believe I just used that phrase) were--and in same cases still are--somewhat entertaining. I wouldn’t want to work for Donald Trump, but I’d be willing to go on The Apprentice just so he could fire me and I could whip it out and pee on his desk before walking out the door. Of course, this season he's pitting down-on-their-luck, once-employed entrepreneurs against each other, so in essence Trump is already raining on his own "ha-ha-you're-fired" parade.
I could see myself signing up for Survivor, except it reminds me of going camping with a bunch of really creepy people who probably badmouth me behind my back. I'm okay with the “strength” challenges or the “swimming” challenges, but I always flip the channel when it came to the “food” challenges. That was usually when the one person out of the group, the good looking attractive buff & built guy with the nice smile, would be chowing down on something like sautéed beetle rectum … ugh. Now THERE’S a mouth I want to kiss! Tic Tac, anyone? I'd rather go see what ole’ Fonzie’s up to, even on murky Happy Days YouTube clips. He’s also cute, and probably not munching on beetle butt.
But back to my point: What’s the goal of the new crop of reality shows? What gives? It seems like we’re just watching a bunch of really crappy home movies. But instead of it being some cute little kids playing in the park or celebrating a birthday, we’re watching “Snooki” and “The Situation” in a foul-mouthed drunken stupor in the hot tub. I don’t think “cute.” I think “douche,” as in she probably needs one, and he just IS one. These aren’t people I’d hang with, so why would I want to watch them on TV?
These new reality shows can’t be good for our kids. Think about it. You have an impressionable fourteen year old daughter. You want her to grow up to be a mature, responsible young woman, right? You want her to be polite, respectable and have manners so that eventually she’ll meet her Prince Charming and get married, right?
Now let’s say you have a choice of evening entertainment for your little Princess to watch. Channel one is an old episode of Designing Women. Channel two is The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Now let me remind you that your daughter will be watching women who will set the tone for how she interacts with others and is therefore an expression of you as a parent. Make your choice now … I’ll wait. (Insert Jeopardy! theme music.) I can’t tell you WHICH show to choose, but in a few years everyone you know will describe your daughter as either “Classy” with a capital “C” or as a sniveling little “Runt” … with a capital “C”.
I say we put it to the test. I have a concept for a show that would not only be entertaining but educational as well. It might take some schmoozing with TV execs, since it’s a long-term show, but I think the ratings will be through the roof. Think of it as The Truman Show only with identical twins, each being raised in a carefully planned and scripted life. So let’s say we have little Johnny and little Jack. We’d snatch them from their mother’s arms immediately after being born (oh, the drama!) and separate them into two new families. Johnny lives with “Family A” and his life is molded around old family television shows. Jack, on the other hand, lives with “Family B” and his life is shaped by reality shows.
Johnny’s early years are pleasant enough. Picture him growing up in a household that is a healthy mixture of Happy Days, Eight is Enough, The Brady Bunch, Growing Pains and The Partridge Family.
Now without even watching a single episode, you already know how little Johnny’s going to turn out. He’s polite. He respects his elders. He studies hard in school. He gets his first girlfriend and she’s that sweet girl in his Algebra class that his parents often invite over for dinner.
Sure he gets into trouble sometimes--what adolescent boy doesn’t? But even when his mom and dad catch him ditching school or sneaking a sip of beer from the fridge, gosh darnit, we still love him. His parents have that “family meeting” and they tell him how disappointed they are in him, and he feels terrible about what he’s done. He swears he’ll never do it again, and we believe him. And when that day comes when Johnny drops to one knee and proposes to his girl, (after getting her father’s blessing, of course) we’ll be on the edge of our sofa chairs as she accepts, and we’ll wipe away a tear when he breaks the news to mom and dad. We want Mr. & Mrs. Johnny to have beautiful children that mom and dad dote over. Yes, we watch Johnny over the years and quietly say to ourselves, “I want my kid to be like Johnny.”
And then there’s Jack. His world is a healthy mixture of COPS, The Bachelor, The Anna Nicole Show, Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Dixie Carter's "This is not a whorehouse" rant seems so appropriate here.
So let’s talk about Jack. I’m guessing he doesn’t like authority, dabbles in drugs, has a mouth that would make a sailor blush and respect for elders and for women? Umm, sure. He’ll probably have a girlfriend or two or three, but if his parents know about them, they won’t want them sitting at the dinner table and if they do show up, they’ll probably want to wash the chair cushions when they leave.
If Jack does manage to get married, (oh let’s not kid ourselves--he’ll change wives like he changes his underwear, assuming he does the latter) she’ll look pretty but will be the foul mouthed gold digger who secretly wants Jack’s mom and dad to kick the bucket so she can get her hands on their money. Not that they HAVE any, but Jack has her convinced he’s the cock of the walk with his cool rocking Camaro and his gallons of cologne. Mr. & Mrs. Jack won’t just have children; they’ll breed like roaches. Oh joy. We watch Jack over the years and quietly say to ourselves, “If my kid turns out like Jack, I’ll push him down a flight of stairs myself!”
Now that Johnny and Jack are adults, (Johnny just started college. Jack just made bail … again), which one would you want to marry your daughter? Well, I guess that would depend on what you chose to let your daughter watch on TV as well. I’m guessing Johnny has a grand church wedding with “Class” and Jack enjoys a quickie Vegas wedding with his little “Runt.” Let me know soon because I’ve already purchased their gifts. I’ll be sending either a nice set of monogrammed bath towels or a chainsaw enema.
The chart below lists celebrities (shown in red type) and non-celebrities (shown in blue type) who have all been diagnosed with cancer. (Assumed names and approximated ages are used to protect the identities of the non-famous.) Can you find a pattern in the chart?
THE ANSWER IS NO! There is no pattern because cancer is indiscriminate. Cancer affects all ages, races, genders and professions. Cancer does not methodically select who shall be stricken, who will survive or who may succumb to its terminal grip. Cancer does not care how much money a person has in the bank or the amount of fame one has or how many awards and metals somebody wins. Cancer does not think about the perfect prom dress or that favorite teddy bear. Cancer does not grant mercy to any of its victims—as even in death, cancer is hard, painful and suffers both the dying and those left behind to carry on. Celebrities suffer no more nor no less than the dental hygienist or paralegal. Non-celebrities vow to fight as defiantly against cancer as do celebrities.
Some folks suggest that having money helps. Newsflash: I have never seen cancer grab a $20 and head to the bank. I have never heard of cancer making a withdraw of $1,000 from an ATM. I know cancer takes lives from the rich and famous. I know cancer takes the lives of the poor and the poorest. Money may buy a pricey doctor or two or three. Money may fund trips around the globe to specialists. Not enough money may deny vital drugs. No money, no insurance may or may not affect ability to receive treatment. St. Jude is based on need and will not deny a child for the lack of financial prowess his/her parents may wield. Simple, at the end of the day, cancer does not recognize the dollar sign.
Celebrities do publicly support the fight against cancer. Lance Armstrong is the creator of LiveStrong, an advocacy website for cancer patients and family members. Since 1998, Katie Couric has passionately promoted the need for cancer screenings after losing her husband, Jay Monahan, to colon cancer. Christina Applegate faced with life and death took extraordinary measures to combat her breast cancer. Ted Kennedy fought as hard against his brain cancer as he did in Congress for his constituents in Massachusetts. Patrick Swayze and Farrah Fawcett—though overshadowed by Michael Jackson’s sudden and mysterious death—had both their valiant battles and tragic defeats displayed by the media for all prying eyes to see.
However, celebrities aren’t the only supporters in the fight against cancer. Other cancer survivors—including me—participate in raising awareness of the need for further research for a cure for cancer. We walk for those heroes we have lost and to celebrate our victories. We ask for and make donations to St. Judes, M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, the American Cancer Society and many other organizations and institutions sworn to fight cancer until cancer is an innocuous disease. Non-celebrities, like myself, may be sitting in the chemotherapy room consenting to have life-saving poison feed through our veins or hanging over a toilet heaving all of our souls into the bowl. But make no mistake about it—we’re fighting our cancer equally as hard as celebrities, though without the hovering of vulturistic paparazzi.
Ultimately, there is no difference in celebrities' efforts and non-celebrities' efforts when it comes to warring with and against cancer on all fronts, personally and publicly. Celebrities and non-celebrities are dueling for a common goal: NO MORE CANCER. AND THAT IS THE PATTERN THAT WE HOPE DEFEATS THE INDISCRIMINATE CANCER!
Every weekday at 11 a.m., Welcome, Maryland resident Brian Boyle managed to tilt his head back and look beyond what should have been his deathbed. In a boxy beacon twinkling above a sea of IVs and tubes, loudly churning machines and his parents' deafening despair, Ellen DeGeneres helped him transcend each painful today by dancing like there was no tomorrow.
The talk show host's nimble moves brought hope and smiles to the St. Mary's College freshman's face, which, along with his once sinewy legs and equally fast-moving arms, lay frozen after the triathlete awoke in September 2004 from a near-fatal car wreck two months earlier. The dump truck that pulverized his pelvis, tossed his heart across his chest and landed him in a coma crushed the would-be Ironman's body—but not his selfless spirit.
Just as DeGeneres uplifted Boyle in his darkest days, his sunny optimism lit the way for his equally shattered and immobilized mom and dad. Amazingly, Garth and JoAnne Boyle's then-19-year-old son worried more about their welfare than his own. His desire to see them smile again pushed him to relearn how to smile, blink, eat, talk, walk, swim and soar on his bicycle again.
Boyle's story, Iron Heart: The True Story of How I Came Back from the Dead, hit bookstores on Oct. 1. Earlier this year, he shared with us his triumphant tale, which brought him full-circle to Ellen's talk show in late 2008.
The IronMan champ and outstanding young man recently launched his well-deserved book publicity tour on The Today Show. We congratulate him!
In November, we'll feature Retroality.TV contributor Rose Sacco's review of Iron Heart. In the meantime, we congratulate Brian for his amazing achievements, not the least of which is the publication of his riveting story in his uplifting book.
